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Individual and Couples Counselling in Calgary

  • Writer's pictureRovena Magidin

The Art of Presence: Mindfulness, Sexuality and Intimacy.

There are 3 books I wanted to talk about today that are about intersection of Mindfulness, Sexuality and Intimacy.

For people and couples who are practicing Mindfulness in their daily life, I thought you would appreciate these resources, as most books on sex don't mention mindfulness and most books on mindfulness don't mention sex. Sometimes we separate the two, sometimes it feels like sex life and spiritual practice shouldn't overlap. But they could, offering a deeper, richer and more fulfilling intimate connection with yourself and your partner.

1. "Good Sex: Getting Off without Checking Out" By Jessica Graham.

I loved this book. This book is fantastic if you have an interest in meditation and spiritual practice, cause it merges both, in a really inspiring way. Sex and mindfulness. Sex and spiritual awakening. Sex and awareness. Sex without separation. I knew I was going to love this book the moment I opened it. This book is very personal and real as Jessica shares her own journey of discovering what sex could be if we are present. If you find yourself feeling disconnected during sex, if you hope there’s more to intimacy, I highly recommend it. If you have (or want to have) a meditation practice, I think you’ll find this book delightful, like I did. If you want a spiritual approach to sex, but you are not into mediation or mindfulness, read "Woman on Fire" by Amy Jo Goddard. Jessica's book is perfect for exploring emotional intelligence and body awareness practices from a meditator's perspective.

2. "Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire" by Lori Brotto, PhD

I see that there's now a Workbook accompanying the book. I haven't read it yet, but I will. "The Better Sex Through Mindfulness Workbook: A Guide to Cultivating Desire" by Lori Brotto.

We need a lot more books like this. There’s a lot of information and many practices that give hope to women who experience low desire, pain during sex, get easily stuck in their thoughts and don’t know how to change it. It shifts from purely medical approach to a mindful body - mind - emotions integrative approach, suggesting that usually if a woman experiences difficulties in bed, giving her a pill is probably not the solution. This book is based on solid research that proves what neo-tantric people were saying all along, but in very different terms - presence, awareness, intention, sensory focus (non judgemental focus on all the 5 senses) as well as sensations and feelings and thoughts that arise in the moment. Neo Tantra goes a lot further and hopefully western medicine and psychology can catch up soon.

3. "Passion and Presence: A Couple's Guide to Awakened Intimacy and Mindful Sex" by Maci Daye

Maci Daye is a Certified Sex Therapy trained in Hakomi (Mindfulness Based Somatic PsychoTherapy), Somatic Experiencing and Energy Psychology and she brings all of her tools and practices to this book.

This book offers a reality check. Most of us when we fall in love, we are in an Erotic Enchantment stage. This stage wears off with time. We are now in an Erotic Disenchantment stage - where did the fun, and ease and excitement go? We might feel disappointed, tricked, or just plain bored. Maci offers a solution, how can we consciously and intentionally move through this stage, discovering its gift for healing, for deep knowing of yourself and your partner and how can we move into Stage 3 - Erotic Re-Enchantment.

I hope you found this useful. If you can recommend other books that you enjoyed, please let me know. I'm sure there are more.

Marty Klein defines Sexual Intelligence as information + emotional skills + body awareness. All 3 books offer tools and practices in all 3 of these aspects.

While I found all these books very useful, each in their own unique way, you might need to consider more help. As a Sex Therapist and Couples Counsellor in Calgary, and online, I'd be happy to support you. Feel free to book your free consultation here. I'd be happy to talk to you and answer your questions.


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