top of page

Individual and Couples Counselling in Calgary

  • Writer's pictureRovena Magidin

The best practice you can do with your partner, even if you won't believe me at first

Rovena and Rick looking into each other's eyes

Stay with me here. Don’t dismiss it just because the name sounds strange or weird. Let me explain.

Eye Gazing or Soul Gazing

I’m surprised I didn’t write about this practice before.

This is one of the best things you can do with your partner and it is as simple as it gets. Can be done any time, doesn’t cost anything, doesn’t require any prep, and only takes a minute or two. It’s beautiful, profound, gentle, connected and very loving.

Here’s how you do it:

You look into each other eyes.

That’s it.

Yogis call it eye gazing or soul gazing.

You don’t have to do anything. You are staying in silence. Relax your body, relax the muscles of your face, your jaw, soften your gaze. Make sure you are comfortable. Take a gentle deep breath and look into your partner's eyes. Drop the agenda. Stay there.

It’s not a staring contest. You can (and will) blink. You can close your eyes. You might giggle if you haven’t done it before. It might feel strange. It might feel vulnerable. You might feel tears coming up - it’s all good. It’s normal.

And then what? Nothing. You stay with each other. Present. Silent. Connected.

Breathe. Soften more. Bring your awareness to your partner. Allow yourself to be seen, as you are, in this moment; and see your partner as they are - not what you think or know about them, not how they were yesterday, not how you need them to be - but as they are.

It’s your safe space, your bubble. Space free from judgment, expectations, comparisons - just the two of you, in your own universe

couple sitting int the back of a SUV looking into each other's eyes

In the honeymoon stage we do this all the time, we can't get enough. But then life gets in a way, and we forget.

Sometimes couples recognize that they haven’t really “seen” each other in a very long time. They see each other every day, and yet, they don’t really SEE.

Some couples recognize that they’ve “lost each other” long time ago. This is how you start reconnecting.

Stay with it for 15-20 seconds at first, taking a few deep breaths. But the invitation is to go longer. Don’t force it of course, never force anything. Just be mindful, pay attention, notice - and you will feel a change within you. Your mind goes quiet, your body relaxes, your heart opens. You feel more connected with your partner, you feel more connected with yourself.

If silence feels awkward, play a slow song, maybe without lyrics at first so you are not distracted. You will soon recognize that there’s nothing awkward about this, and you will question - why was it even awkward to begin with? Set a timer, if needed, build it up to a minute or 2.

When compete, give each other a hug. A real hug. Not a pat on the back, not a bear squeeze, a heart to heart, body to body, embrace. Take another 2-3 deep breaths together. Don't rush through it. Feel it all.

You might’ve seen some articles or vides (like this, for example) in the last few years that say that strangers fall in love when they look into each other’s eyes for 4 minutes. Why not try it and fall in love with your partner all over again?

I can’t tell you how good it can feel no more than I can tell you how amazing a strawberry tastes when you pick it up from your garden on a warm summer morning - you got to have that experience to know, to taste it for yourself.

So try it. Let me know what happens.

We practice tools like this in Marriage Counselling and Couples Counselling. It's like your dedicated time to work on the relationship. You take time to work on your garden, to spring clean your house, to upgrade your skills for your career - why not take time to nurture your relationship. If you want some support - free free to schedule your free consultation for Couples or Individual Counselling in Calgary and online.


bottom of page