Listening to Your Emotions: What Your Emotions Are Trying to Tell You

Rovena Magidin
26 minutes ago
6 min read

I think Emotions should be a required subject form Kindergarten to Grade 12. And then even as adults we could use some reminders.

We all feel them, we all act on them, but we often miss the message coded inside of them.

What are they trying to communicate to us? What's the gift within them? Any why is it so hard to get them across to other people, especially our partners?

Emotions is pretty much a build in mechanism that tells us: “Something important needs attention!”

When we don’t understand what emotions are trying to say, we can get lost in shame, anger, guilt, fear. But if we slow down and listen, they can show us what matters most and what need is calling to be met.

Here’s a reminder of how some of the core emotions show up in the body, what they signal, and a few quick “do’s” and “don’ts” to help you work with them.

😳 Shame

How it feels in the body: Like being crumpled up inside. Face burning hot, ears red, eyes lowered. Shoulders slump, breath becomes shallow. Strong urge to hide, disappear, or sink into the ground.

Thoughts that come: “I’m bad. I’m not enough. I don’t deserve to belong.”

The signal:“I need acceptance, belonging, respect. I’m afraid others will reject me if they see my flaws or mistakes. I long to feel good enough for others - and for myself.”

👉 At the root of shame is the need for connection, love, compassion, and self-worth.

Don’t:

Silence the shame and push it deep inside.
Let the inner critic take over.
Cut yourself off completely from others.

Do:

Notice and name the shame gently.
Remember: mistakes don’t erase your value.
Reach out to someone safe for reassurance and connection.

😔 Guilt

How it feels in the body: A heavy stone in the chest or stomach. Something gnawing inside. A pressure that makes it hard to rest.

Thoughts that come: “I shouldn’t have done that.” “This is my fault.” Often followed by an urge to fix, apologize, or punish yourself.

The signal:“I need to repair the harm, restore fairness, or come back into alignment with my values. I want to regain peace inside.”

👉 At the root of guilt is the need for integrity, reconciliation, forgiveness, and wholeness.

Don’t:

Punish yourself endlessly.
Replay the same mistake over and over in your mind.
Confuse guilt with shame ("I did something bad/I made a mistake" vs “I am bad” ).

Do:

Ask: Is this guilt real and proportionate?
Apologize or make amends if you can.
Use guilt as a compass guiding you back to what matters.

😠 Anger

How it feels in the body: Heat in the chest and face. Jaw clenched, fists tight. Heart races, breath speeds up. A rush of energy floods in.

Thoughts that come: “This isn’t fair! This is wrong!” A strong sense of injustice and the need to act. (If you don’t use this energy, it doesn’t just vanish - it stays trapped in the body.)

The signal: “My boundaries have been crossed. My rights, values, or needs are being ignored or disrespected. I need to protect myself, stand up for justice, or restore balance.”

👉 At the root of anger is the need for boundaries, respect, fairness, and autonomy.

Don’t:

Explode in yelling, insults, or violence.
Bury it with silence, sarcasm, or passive aggression.
Project blame onto others without self-reflection.

Do:

Move the energy safely: stomp, shake, write, punch a pillow, take a walk.
Pause: Which boundary or value was crossed?
Express anger respectfully, without blame.
Release it - don’t hold it longer than needed.

👿 Rage (intense anger)

How it feels in the body: Boiling inside. Trembling, shaking. Tunnel vision - only the source of anger exists. Words or actions slip out without control. A wild urge to scream, smash, or destroy.

The signal:“My most basic needs - safety, dignity, significance - are under serious attack. I feel trapped or powerless. I must stop the violation or break free.” (Often, deep helplessness hides underneath rage.)

👉 At the root of rage is the need for safety, protection, respect, and power to act.

Don’t:

Let rage explode into destruction.
Harm yourself or others.
Stay stuck in it, feeding the fire.

Do:

Step away from the situation if you can.
Release the energy physically in safe ways (run, tear paper, scream into a pillow).
Seek support if rage feels overwhelming or uncontrollable.

😨 Fear

How it feels in the body: Cold shiver down the spine. Goosebumps. A pit in the stomach. Muscles tight, breath shallow or frozen. Pupils widen. The urge is to freeze, run, or hide.

Thoughts that come: “Danger is coming. I’m not safe.”

The signal:“There’s a threat here. I need safety, protection, or a way out. I need reassurance that I can survive - physically or emotionally (avoiding pain, humiliation, or loss).”

👉 At the root of fear is the need for security, protection, guidance, and stability.

Don’t:

Pretend you’re not afraid.
Shame yourself for being scared.
Stay frozen in avoidance forever.

Do:

Ask: Is this danger real and present, or old and imagined?
Take concrete steps toward safety.
Ground yourself with breath, movement, or touch.
Seek support or comfort when you need it.

😢 Sadness

Gray dog with a cone collar lies on a carpet, looking sad and resting its head.

How it feels in the body: Heavy chest, emptiness, drained energy. A lump in the throat, tears welling. Deep sighs, a longing to retreat or be held.

Thoughts that come: “I’ve lost something important.” “I can’t get it back.” Feelings of hopelessness, longing, grief.

The signal:“I’ve lost something or someone meaningful - a dream, a person, a role, a part of myself. I need to mourn, to receive comfort, to slowly adapt to life without it.”

👉 At the root of sadness is the need for grief, comfort, support, gentleness, and healing.

Don’t:

Numb it away with endless distractions.
Judge yourself as weak or “too sensitive.”
Lock yourself in isolation.

Do:

Allow tears and grieving.
Reach for comfort - from a hug, a friend, or a journal.
Give yourself the time you need.
Treat sadness as a passage, not a permanent place.

Keys to Understanding Emotions

The body doesn’t lie. Heat, heaviness, trembling, tightness - your body often knows what you feel before your mind does.
Emotions are signal lights. They’re not the problem. They point to the problem: a need unmet or under threat.
Ask yourself: What triggered this? Which of my needs - safety, respect, belonging, love, fairness, autonomy - is at stake?
Then act. Once you know the need, you can respond: protect your boundaries, ask for support, make amends, step away from danger, or give yourself space to grieve.

Emotions are not flaws. They’re guides. They help us see what truly matters, and they nudge us back toward wholeness.

So instead of asking “How do I get rid of this feeling?” - try asking:

👉 “What is this emotion trying to tell me?”

Communicating Emotions in Relationships

When you’re upset with a partner, it’s tempting to throw the raw emotion at them: anger becomes yelling, shame becomes withdrawal, fear becomes controlling. But that rarely leads to connection.

Instead, try to share the thoughts and needs underneath the emotion. This makes it possible for your partner to actually understand and respond - rather than defend themselves.

For example:

🚫 Yelling in anger: “You never listen to me! You’re such an idiot!”

💡 Sharing the need: “I feel angry right now. What’s underneath is that I need your help and I feel invisible when you’re on your phone. Could you put it down and look at me while we talk?” And then it might even become "I feel so angry, but I also feel really sad. I need a hug."

See the difference? One creates distance. The other creates a chance for closeness.

Here’s the simple formula to try: