The 3-Minute Game, Part 2: Taking vs Receiving Explained
- Rovena Magidin
- 7 hours ago
- 4 min read
If you’ve tried the touch-optional version of the 3-minute game from Part 1, you’ve already experienced how grounding, gentle, and surprisingly intimate it can be to connect without touch. For many couples it's becomes a wonderful way to reconnect. A simple way to rebuild ease, safety, and presence.
In the original 3-Minute Game (link to Part 1), the structure is very clear: you focus on one partner at a time. We ask 2 questions:
How do you want to be touched? - giving and receiving.
How do you want to touch me for your pleasure? - taking and allowing
One person receives and follows what feels good for them. Then they explore taking action for their own pleasure, within the partner’s boundaries. The roles are distinct, and the contrast teaches couples a lot about desire, agency, and consent.
In the no-touch version, these roles can feel less obvious. Without hands or bodies to guide the experience, couples often wonder how to tell the difference between receiving and taking. This post breaks it down so you can explore the same dynamics - clarity, boundaries, and choice - even when touch isn’t part of the practice.
“If we’re not touching, how do we know the difference between taking and receiving?”
Let’s make it simple.
How Taking Is Different From Receiving
This framework comes from the work of Dr. Betty Martin, creator of the 3 Minute Game and the Wheel of Consent. Her clarity around giving, receiving, taking, and allowing has shaped so much of how I teach this practice.
(You can explore her model here: https://www.wheelofconsent.org/wheel)
This is the clearest way to understand it:
Receiving = “Do this for me. Will you?” You want your partner to offer something, and you receive it.
Taking = “Let me do this because I enjoy it. May I? ”You want to take something for your pleasure, and they allow it.
The difference is in who is doing the action and who it is for.
If they act and it's for you, you are receiving. If you act and it's for you, you are taking.
Both require consent. Both can be non-sexual. Both can feel deeply connecting.
Why This Matters in the Touch-Optional Version
When touch is removed, couples sometimes slip into trying to read each other’s minds or worrying about “doing it right.”
Understanding taking vs receiving helps you:
reduce confusion
keep consent clear
protect boundaries
understand what you enjoy
stay grounded
build connection without overwhelm
It gives the game structure and makes it easier to relax into the moment.
Receiving Examples (Touch Optional)
These are things you want your partner to do for you:
“For the next 3 minutes, I want you to read this poem to me.”
“Tell me a memory that makes you smile.”
“Please sit with me and look at me softly.”
“Share something you appreciate about me.”
“Speak gently for a few minutes so I can settle.”
You are receiving. They are offering.
Taking Examples (Touch Optional)
These are things you want to do because you enjoy them, while your partner allows it:
Enjoying their presence
“For the next 3 minutes, I want to look at your face while you relax and let me enjoy you.”
Enjoying their voice
“For the next 3 minutes, I want to ask you a question and listen to your answer because I love hearing you talk about things you care about.”
Enjoying their attention
“For the next 3 minutes, I want to talk while you look at me with your full attention.”
Enjoying their expression
“For the next 3 minutes, smile at me while I take in how warm that feels.”
Enjoying their calmness
“For the next 3 minutes, I want to sit near you and enjoy the feeling of your steady energy while you stay as you are.”
In all of these, you are doing the taking, and your partner is allowing it.
How to Explore This Safely
You don’t need to get it perfect. Just ask:
What do I want to receive?
What do I want to take?
What feels good for both of us?
Let it be simple. Let it be imperfect.
Boundaries for the Partner Who Is Allowing
In the Wheel of Consent (Dr. Betty Martin’s work), allowing is not passive. It isn’t “sure, whatever,” or going along to avoid conflict.
Allowing = an active yes. You stay within what feels good, name your limits, and stay connected to yourself.
You can say:
“Yes, but only this much.”
“I’m okay with that, but not with eye contact today.”
“I can do two minutes, not three.”
“I’m comfortable if I stay sitting up.”
“No, that doesn’t feel good for me right now.”
Allowing means:
you’re aware of yourself
you know your limits
you communicate them clearly
you stay within what feels safe and grounded
you never override your own nervous system to “be nice”
Your partner’s pleasure matters. Your boundaries matter just as much.
Boundaries don’t break the moment. Boundaries are what make taking safe.
And here’s the part many couples forget: When the allowing partner expresses a boundary, the partner who is taking treats it as useful information, not as if they asked for something wrong.
The energy becomes:
“Thank you! That helps.”
“Great, now I know what works.”
“Perfect, what else can I ask for within that?”
A boundary isn’t a rejection. It’s a sign the connection is real, honest, and grounded. Boundaries give the taking partner something to work with, not something to tiptoe around.
When both partners hold this mindset, the moment stays light, respectful, and collaborative.
If You Want to Go Deeper
The 3-Minute Game is one of the tools I use often in both couples counselling and premarital counselling, especially when partners want clearer communication, better boundaries, or more ease around connection and intimacy. If you’d like support applying this in your relationship, you can read more here:
These pages will give you a sense of how I work and what we can explore together.
