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Individual and Couples Counselling in Calgary

  • Writer's pictureRovena Magidin

The It Game

This is a really fun and a really sweet game for couples. It'll help shift the mood, to connect, to make a deposit into your relationship bank account. It will make you smile and it'll warm your heart.

Try it a few times and see what happens. You can play it with your friends or with your kids too.


Turn toward each other and and look into each other's eyes.

1. Decide who will be “It”. "It" will receive positive compliments, acknowledgments or appreciation. You can give any kinds of recognition (typically verbal in the It Game). They can be conditional (for doing something) or unconditional (for being).

2. The other partner gives It a compliment. This can be anything positive.

Examples: "You are so handsome." "I love how you play with our dog." "Thank you for getting me raspberries."

3. Then It says, “Thank you and further more. . . . ” Then It appreciates herself or himself.

Examples: “Thank you and further more I'm awesome” or "Thank you and further more I'm doing great at my project at work" or "Thank you and further more I'm also very sexy." The other partner confirms or cheers or enthusiastically acknowledges "It"'s comment.

4. Do this once or repeat as many times as you would like.

5. Then It asks for a specific target appreciation, that is something they would really like to hear.

Examples: “I would like you to tell me that I am beautiful” or “I would like you to tell me why you think I am a good partner".

6. Switch roles and repeat.


Let's see how it can go.

Partner A: Would you like to play the It game?

Partner B: Of course, I want to be It first.

Partner A: Great. Thank you for making breakfast today.

Partner B (It): Thank you, and further more I've been super productive and did all the shopping for us.

Partner A(enthusiastically): yes you did.

Partner A: I think you are wonderful.

Partner B (It): Thank you, and further more I know I'm patient and kind.

Partner A: You are very kind and very patient.

Partner A: You are also such a good husband.

Partner B (It): Thank you. And for my target one, I would like to hear you say that I matter to you.

Partner A: You matter to me.

Partner B (It): Thank you.

Switch and repeat of course! :)

The It It Game was created by Vann Joines and I learned about from Kelly Scharver through the Couples Institute. I loved it and wanted to share it with you all.

Exercises like this could be a part of your homework, or a part of you Couples Counselling session. If you have any questions or looking for support for you and your partner, feel free to schedule your consultation here. I'm available for in person Couples Counselling sessions in Calgary or online.


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