Hedy Schleifer and "The Three Invisible Connectors"
We all know how easy it is for us to feel disconnected in our relationships, but what helps us reconnect?
If you've been reading my blog, you've already met a few of my teachers and mentors. Over time, I'll share all of them with you. I can't help it. When I am inspired, I want to share. When I learn something that makes a difference for me, I want to practice and I want to share. As a counsellor and Couples Therapist, my work is based on beautiful work of so many incredible mentors who came before me. I feel very blessed to be able to study with some of the best Relationship Experts around the world.
Today, I want to introduce Hedy Schleifer to you, a psychologist and a Master Relationship Builder, creator of Encounter-centered Couples Therapy which later became Encounter-centered Couples Transformation®. Hedy embodies love. It's impossible not to feel it when you are in her presence. She's almost 80 years old now and her passion for this work is as inspiring as ever.
One of my favourite practices by Hedy is called "Crossing the bridge." I think it's what Rumi is talking about here:
Out Beyond Ideas of Wrongdoing and Rightdoing
"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
There is a field. I'll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
The world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase each other
Doesn't make any sense."
Rumi, Translated by Coleman Barks and John Moyne, from "The Essential Rumi".
And here's a documentary about Hedy and her beloved husband Yumi and their work with couples that they have shared for many years around the world. Hedy and Yumi have been married for 57 years, and their story shows how we too can grow and change together, and keep falling in love with each other, over and over again.
I use these tools with my couples every day in my practice, and I use them with my husband. This is so much more than Couples Therapy. This is Couples Transformation. We are all stuck in what Hedy calls a "survival knot". It's universal and human. We struggle, we get hurt and hurt each other. We get triggered and we protect ourselves. "Welcome to the club", says Hedy. Survival dance always disconnects us. But the connection, the real, magical, heart to heart connection that we are longing for is always there and is always available. We just need to know how to cross the bridge and meet each other, soul to soul. We need to learn how to see each other, as we are. It's a skill we all can learn, how to invite your partner into your world, and how to visit theirs.
I'd be honored to support you on this journey. I'm honored to keep sharing these tools. If you watched the videos and it resonated with you and touched you, I'd be glad to be your guide. I am a Marriage Counsellor and a Sex Therapist in Calgary, and I work online with couples around the world. Feel free to book your free consultation here.
