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Individual and Couples Counselling in Calgary

  • Writer's pictureRovena Magidin

7 second kiss

Updated: Nov 22, 2022

Couple Kissing. Marriage counselling works

I’m going to commit to kissing my husband every day for at least 7 seconds for the next week (and hopefully longer). Here’s why.

Last week I wrote about a simple ritual you can practice to reconnect with your love every day. HUGS! Today we'll talk about another way - kisses.

Dr. John Gottman has this advice for couples: "Don't leave home without a kiss that lasts six seconds."

I learned a different number from my training with Jaiya in Core Erotic Blueprints - 7 seconds kiss.

Why 6 or 7 seconds? Because we often don't take enough time, we kiss so quickly, or we exchange a peck on the cheek - that frankly, becomes habitual and doesn't really feel all that romantic.

7 seconds is enough to slow down, to really feel. It's intimate, it's special. It's so very simple, and yet, it tells your partner everything they need to know - they are loved, wanted, appreciated, adored. You let go of the to do lists, of what's next on your plate, and you let yourself melt, focusing only on each other, even if just for a little bit, in a moment of unity and joy and connection. And love.

I'm not taking about a kiss that leads to sex. It's wonderful if that happens of course, but here I'm talking about a sense of profound non-sexual intimacy. It's not a kiss that leads to something more, it's just a kiss.

7 seconds is enough to get oxytocin flowing along with dopamine and serotonin, helping us feel good, feel that special bond and trust with each other, offering comfort and reducing stress. It feels good and it's good for you!

Couples who are newly in love don't need this advice, they are kissing all the time anyway. But fast forward a few years, add a couple of kids and/or pets, jobs, stress, house projects, chores - we are so busy we don't have time anymore. We stop reaching out. We think it's not a big deal, but we loose something pretty important in the process.

Imagine taking 7 seconds to say good morning, to kiss before you or your partner leaves for work, to say hello when they come back home in the evening. It's only 7 seconds. It's pretty magical.

So, how about a challenge? Commit for a week or two, kiss for no reasons, be creative, find those special moments. Let me know how it goes.

Couples Counselling can be a way to reconnect, to re-discover each other again. Before we get to Sex Therapy, we want to work on non-sexual intimacy, deep connection, and trust.


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