Harmony Habit: Couples' Daily Double Routine
Last month I talked about Appreciation. Most of us are chronically under appreciated. For most couples, once honeymoon period is over, we start taking each other for granted, life gets in a way, resentment starts to build. "My partner doesn't appreciate me, or what I do; why would I appreciate them?" "I am also working hard." "No one notices what I do."
We might not stop appreciating each other, but we often stop sharing it.
The Daily Double
Today I wanted to share a fun relationship tool from one of my favourite teachers, Dr. Ellyn Bader of the Couples Institute.
Eventually I will introduce you to all of my teachers. Once I learn and love something, I can’t help it, I have to share.
This practice is called “The Daily Double” - and it works like this:
Twice a day say or do something that communicates to your partner that you love, value, adore or appreciate them.
30 Day Challenge
It works best when you commit for at least a 30 day challenge. I mean it’s nice if you practice for a day, but imagine the difference it would make if you were committed for a month. Imagine the difference it would make for your partner, yourself and your relationship.
You are rewiring your brain to look for all the good stuff. It is way way easier to see all the things we don’t like. We often don’t hesitate and blurt it out right away. But the good stuff - how often we take it for granted, or say “My partner knows I appreciate him or her, doesn't he/she?”. Well, even if they know, tell them again. Look at them when you tell them. Feel the connection between you two. It's not just for your partner, it's for you too. A win-win.
It won't solve all of your problems, but it sure helps.
Here’s an article by Ellyn that talks about way how to show your appreciation.
And there’s even a downloadable 30 day challenge calendar.
Let's brainstorm. What would be easy to do? What would you want to do? What would be most meaningful to your partner?
send them a message
sticky note with a message and a cute drawing
compliment them in front of others
pick up a special desert or a treat on the way home
take them out for lunch
space - if your partner is an introvert, give them space to recharge
Who’s up for a challenge? Let’s do it!
So, don't hesitate to sprinkle some appreciation into your love life – it can work wonders for your relationship! And if you ever find yourselves in need of a little extra help, I'm offering Couples Counseling and Marriage Therapy services in Calgary and online. Reach out! Connect! Let's keep creating strong, fulfilling, joyful relationships! It's not always easy, but it's so worth it.